Paper Bag
by Jena Rink
Summary: They talk about her, she smiles like she's so tough, she says Can you talk a little louder my heart's not broken enough....season three A one shot
1. Chapter 1

_Paper Bag  
based off the slightly altered lyrics of Anna Nalick  
And requested by ummagosh-on DLS  
I don't own instant star, or this song  
The plot of this short one shot is the only thing that belongs to me!  
Let me know what you think._

**_She don't run from the sun no more  
She boxed her shadow and she won  
Said I can see you laugh  
Through those bottle caps  
And this wire round my neck ain't here for fun_**

Fighting. This whole six months had been about fighting. Fighting my inner demons, fighting the urge to scream and quit, because he wasn't there to keep me going. The smile I wore at Gmajor was a facade, the mindless motions I made when recording seemed as she was, in fact, just going through them to get past another day without Tommy there. Which, stupidly, seemed harder than it looked.

Darius was happy with me, but then again, Darius had no idea about the pictures. Sitting in the car outside of Gmajor, the sun shining brightly, I wished it was raining to match my mood. You know that feeling when you know something big was gonna happen? Well I had it. I'd had this sense of foreboding for what seemed like a week. But I swallowed it, and made my way out of the car, and to my acting job. Another fake smile, another fake joke with Kwest to keep him happy, even though she knew he was worried. He'd always look at me like I was on the point of breaking.

But see, I'd already had the age old argument with myself. Wasn't I better, even if I was miserable? Taking out my misery on my guitar was about ten times better than sitting in my room and crying over a picture of Little Tommy Quincy. So I'd write. Another hit to keep me on the label, do another performance or appearance on Under the Mic to keep Darius and Liam smiling, because as long as they were smiling, I still had a job. But out of the studio, I felt blank. Not like I was starting over, because Tommy leaving plauged my mind constantly, but as if I couldn't feel anything else. And only a select few noticed. It's as if I left with him. Like I decided it would be a hell of a lot better if I hitched a ride on the back of the Tommy Quincy Porsche of pain. Okay, that sounds stupid even to my own ears. But it's the truth. It's like I took a permanent vacation or something. Because as much as I tried to find myself in the coming months, I couldn't even remember who I'd been because so much of me was connected to him. I missed me. The one that smiled, the one that cared, the one that didn't bottle up all her emotions, and then repeatedly shake the bottle at night, trying not to uncap it and let everything lose. There was a time and place for that. When, and if Quincy came back, I'd let him know exactly what he did to me. 

**_But someday we'll all be old  
And I'll be so damn beautiful_**

Me while I hide my head  
here in this paper bag  
Cause if I can't see you  
Then you can't see me  
And It'll be okay

I just didn't expect it to be so soon. Here I was, walking in Gmajor, handing Jamie the obligatory coffee I purchased every morning, and getting ready to go through the motions, when I saw them arguing in studio A. My breath caught in my throat, and Darius put a hand on my shoulder. I glanced up at him, my eyes wide, and back at Kwest and Tommy, who were screaming at each other. He was actually back. And less than fifty feet away from me. But I couldn't find the strength to make my feet move any closer. So I just watched, aware that everyone was probably staring at and talking about me. "Maybe you'd better take the morning off?"he suggested, and I shook my head, too shocked to do anything but walk up to the door and open the door, neither of them noticing. Come on Jude, say something, anything. Their talking cut off my internal monologue, and I listened silently. 

"You think I'm just going to let you break her heart again Tommy? I don't think she can take much more of this...you've hurt her enough..."Kwest said angrily, and I watched Tommy, who's head was in his hands.

I fought back a sigh, staring at them from the doorway, unable to move or breathe. Kwest had become such of an older brother to me the last few months, making sure I was doing alright while Mason was on tour and everyone was too wrapped up in their own problems to notice what was going on with me. That part of me I thought was missing, though. It didn't just come back. I was staring at him, hoping the courage to say anything would fly at me out of no where. Just like all my courage flew away when he drove off. But nothing happened.

"You know I had a reason for leaving, Kwest..."Tommy said, and my hand slipped on the door, it sliding closed with a bang. They turned to stare at me, as I set my coffee down, looking anywhere but Tommy's eyes.

"Jude..."he started, and I was glanced up at the ceiling, tears pooling in my eyes.

"Uh...I think I need the day off, Kwest, is that okay?" I told him, our eyes locking, and Kwest nodded. Darius had been right, and I walked right up to his big gold doors, opening them and sinking onto the couch in the back of his office, a hand over my eyes.

No one knew what had happened that night, and I wasn't about to change it by letting people in on the reason I wasn't myself anymore.

"Any reason why you're on my couch, Jude?" Darius asked me, and I shrugged, laying back and staring at the ceiling, my thoughts consuming me.

"Darius...you were right...I need the day..."Tommy walked through the door, and I immediately sat up, my mouth open in shock. I was up to leave the room again before he'd said a word, and he put a hand in front of me, resting it on my shoulder softly. I closed my eyes, refusing to look at him. Because if I did, the damn would break lose. I wasn't even sure what that meant anymore.

"Please don't walk on me, Jude.."Tommy said helplessly, and I met his eyes, staring at him, incredulous.

"You taught me how..."I murmured softly, lifting his hand off of my shoulder and walking straight out of Gmajor, sitting down on the steps of the alleyway, breathing in the now cooler summer air.

**_Fly there will be a way  
Where there's no more rain  
And I can be me_**

"Jude can you just..."he saw me sitting there, and stopped talking, taking in my appearance. Oh yeah, take a look at what a mess I am Quincy. The mess you created. 

"Can I just what?" I countered simply, turning to stare at him.

"I want to explain..."he started, and I let out a small laugh.

"You don't owe me anything, Quincy...we're nothing..."I said quietly, almost to myself.

"We're nothing, after all the-"I cut him off, my voice stone cold. "I'm not in the habit of forgiving people who give up on me..."I said honestly, staring at my cell phone for a moment before putting it away.

"I never gave up on you..."he said earnestly, and I glanced anywhere but his eyes. I always gave into his eyes,"Kwest said you haven't been yourself...that you haven't been recording anyone new...that you might quit..."he added softly,"You can't quit...why..."

**_Yeah they talk about her  
She smiles like she's so tough  
She says "can you talk a little louder"  
"My heart's not broken enough"_**

"Because someone wasn't here to tell me to keep on going..."I breathed lightly, and dimly felt his arm go around my shoulders. I didn't say a word. I just couldn't.

"Please don't give up..."he said softly, his hand wrapped around my wrist gently, his thumb running across my skin. I finally looked up to face him, and he pulled me close to him before I could protest, not surprised when I started to cry.

**_But someday we'll all be old  
And I'll be so damn beautiful_**

Me while I hide my head  
here in this paper bag  
Cause if I can't see you  
Then you can't see me  
And It'll be okay "Don't you think it's a little late for the pep talk, Quincy?"I asked him, sniffling, scooting away from him on the small step, glancing out at the street. 

"Don't shut me out...please..."he begged me, and I snorted.

"It feels funny to have you beg me for anything, Quincy...I thought you were calling the shots..."I said softly, and he shook his head, scooting towards me.

"I can't promise you anything anymore...but I'm not going anywhere...and I want this to work..."he said softly.

"Can I trust that you want it to work?"I whispered, and he frowned.

"Jude..."

"Every time I heard a song on the radio by me while you were gone it made me think of you...and I hated you Tommy...I hated you so much...I'd sit there in my room and wonder why every one in my life just gets up and leaves...is it something I'm doing?"I asked him finally, trying to keep my voice from breaking.

**_Sometimes I wait in the indigo  
Singing that song on the radio  
I blame these puddles on the rain  
you know I gotta keep these cheeks dry today  
keep my cheating strategy  
And baby we'll have it made_**

"Leaving you was the last thing I wanted to do..."he said softly, brushing a strand of hair off of my face.

"You're not going to break my heart again...you're not going to make me cry..."I told myself more than him. "I couldn't if I wanted to, girl..."he said softly, and I swallowed thickly.

"So how do we start this again?" I asked him finally.

"I think we write a song..."he said, getting up and offering me a hand, looking down at me, raising his eyebrows in questions.

I finally nodded, and let him walk me back into the studio, our hands fitting together perfectly.

Should I even let him help me up again? Only time would tell.

I am not a song fics kinda girl.  
I don't even know if I like this.  
But...I'll work on my other stories now  
Love you all-  
Jena


	2. authors note

Okay guys- Little updates here and there-

Paper Bag, for some reason…in every review I've gotten has been pushed as a story and not a one shot.

I've given in

But not quite yet.

As you can tell, I have a ton of stories I have to update on both and DLS.

So…you probably won't see anything until around Thanksgiving when I sit on my ass all weekend at my parents, watch repeats of Instant Star, and have lots of time to flex my creativity skills.

And a question-

Something I was working on before my laptop crashed was a Grey's Anatomy story, which sorta got morphed into Stopwatch…minus a lot of elements.

I don't know if you want me to do it.

But here's a brief synopsis.

Jude leaves after Tommy does, but gets into an accident just outside of Toronto-

(this initially turned into A New Day A new Life)

When Tommy finds out, Jude's already in a coma, and he pays to have her airlifted to the one of the best hospitals for coma-patient care-Seattle Grace-where she stays in a comatose state for five years (this part of the story got flipped to Tommy being in a coma, and turned into Stopwatch)

What spurred me to think of this storyline was that episode of Grey's Anatomy where that guy wakes up from the coma and his family has this whole new life…(he wasn't in a coma…I think he was…like…in a vegetative state or something…)

But tell me what you think, mmmkay?

Okies, I have to go update EVERYTHING!

You should be happy in the next couple of hours

I can hear the author and story alert emails getting sent as we speak!

Haha

Please read and review everything tho!

Jena 


End file.
